Hail Britannia: The Sights

Here is a list of some of the things I saw in London:

1. A woman wearing an enormous gold ring, with a big, pyramid-shaped top. I swear, it stuck up at least an inch and a half from the back of her hand. It looked like a slightly less dangerous version of the ring from the Leech Woman. Maybe she was on her way back from a Nipe-hunting safari?

2. A man on the Underground drinking black currant juice from a juice box with a very serious look on his face. A juice box, people! WTF?

3. A fit-looking guy jogging on the street, wearing black knee socks pulled way up.

4. About 17,000,000,000 French middle-schoolers on holiday. Oh yes, they were a delightful bunch.

5. Many, many fat Americans wearing sweatpants.

6. A pigeon with one foot.

7. An Underground busker playing the clarinet.

8. Every one of the 25 train stops between Oxford and London. Yes, I know there’s a faster train. Well, I know now, anyway.

9. A man who appeared to be a dirty hippie but was, in fact, an organic chemist.

10. Dan pointing at things.

Oh, yeah, and Big Ben, Parliament, Westminster Abbey, St. Paul’s, Hyde Park, etc., etc. That stuff too.

Things we did not see:

1. Madame Tussaud’s

2. Changing of the Guard

3. Anything from the top of a double-decker bus

4. Harrod’s

5. The inside of any palaces

6. Nearly enough empty pint glasses to suit my taste

7. Dan or me punching any of the French school kids; a remarkable display of restraint if I do say so myself