What Mrs. McGillicuddy Saw

I saw something last week that was so rare, I almost didn’t believe my eyes. In fact, I wouldn’t have believed my eyes, except that I saw the same thing two days in a row, so there was no denying it.

I saw… God, how do I even explain this? I saw a little boy, about 9 or 10, sitting in his driveway, behind a large cardboard box, which sat on a wagon. There was a hole in the front of the box, and the barrel of some sort of nerf gun or super-soaker was sticking out of the box. The kid was looking very serious and fiddling with the barrel, probably aiming it.

That’s right, folks, I saw a little kid playing with a home-made toy, by himself, outside. At first, I didn’t believe it, but then the next day, I saw him again, this time pulling the wagon across the street. And here’s the most unbelievable part. I caught a glimpse, as I drove by, of another little kid, at the house across the street. He looked to be about 7-8 years old.

I know! TWO kids, playing outside, with a homemade toy! A toy, let me remind you, made largely out of a box and a wagon! A toy with no batteries, no video screen, no lights or speakers! Also, let me point out that this was a real toy – not a sports-oriented ball. I didn’t think that was possible anymore. How did these kids even learn how to build such a thing?

Well, anyway, I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to call the authorities right away. The school board has to know about this. I don’t know what pabulum they’re spooning into the kids these days, but it clearly isn’t bland enough to crush these two kids’ spirits. They probably don’t even go to school – probably “home-schooled” by their degenerate hippie parents. There’s no room in my America for kids to be outside by themselves, using their dirty dirty imaginations, playing! Sheesh!