Night Moves

As you probably realized by now, I am a happily married woman.

Oh yes, evenings with my husband are spent in matrimonial bliss, reading Proust to each other in the original French, sipping Bordeaux, exchanging witty bon mots, making up new pet names for each other (Puddly-uddly-umpkins and Mr. Snoogybottom are current favorites), and even, if we are feeling a wee bit naughty, watching a spot of television.*

But sometimes my husband has to work the night shift. Sometimes, he has to work the night shift for a whole week. During these times, I like to play a little game called, "What would it be like if Kate were single?" (Really, really, really pathetic is the correct answer.)

The rules are simple: wile away the hours doing things I normally wouldn't do in the course of a civilized evening at home. Join me for a brief rundown of this week's activities, won't you?

1. Cleaning up after Maddy. (duh)
2. Eating foods I wouldn't normally eat. These fall into two categories: Foods that Dan Doesn't Really Like (garlic bread, Chinese take-out, the occasional Steak-Um), and Meals Created from Nothing Because Kate is Too Lazy to Go Shopping (featuring eternal favorites like Pancakes for Dinner!, Tuna Something-or-Other, and As Long As It Contains Shallots, It Has to Be Good.) This category is often expanded to include cocktails and desserts.
3. Making up many new and dorky dances and songs which I sing to the dogs while doing the dishes.
4. Watching TV I wouldn't normally watch. This includes CSI, Poirot, and Tom and Jerry. I also have new favorite: watching Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away over and over and over again. If you haven't seen this movie yet, I command that you do so at once.
5. Having long, animated, one-way conversations with the dogs.
6. Hogging the PS2. Right now I'm inches away from defeating Rhapthorne, (the Lord of Darkness, duh) in Dragon Quest VIII. And no matter how many news stories I see saying how more women are playing video games than ever before, I still get blank looks from people when I tell them I spent most of Sunday on a Playstation. I’m telling you, it’s a requirement of my demographic!**
7. Getting totally freaked out because I’m in a big house by myself on a busy street. My main concern is that there are so many ways to get in the house, a wandering lunatic could be lurking around without me knowing. In my former abode, I would get freaked out because we lived in a small house in the middle of nowhere. My main concern there was that there were only two doors into the house, so I could potentially become trapped by a wandering lunatic.
8. Updating my blog.

Well, there you have it! It’s like a sneak peek into an alternate reality! An alternate, pathetic reality! Which reminds me, I think there’s an episode of Star Trek on right now!***

* All but the last one are made up.

** This is the 30-year old, Uber-geek, only-child female bookworm demographic

*** See above note