Teacher let the monkies out

Oh yes, the end of the school year. Finally.

Although I am not in school, and I don't have kids, I have looked forward to this day since last September. My morning commute goes right past an elementary school, you see.

Finally, finally, a reprieve from dumbass parent drivers and crossing guards.

The parents I can sort of deal with. Sure, they double-park. Sure, they would rather tie up traffic for minutes at a time to parallel park right in front of the school, rather than pull up to the curb 100 feet up the road. And yes, of course they open the driver's side door directly into oncoming traffic without looking first. Way to set an example for your kids, lady! Or guy!

These are mere mosquitoes buzzing about my consciousness. It's this one crossing guard that kills me.

For one thing, he looks like the mayor from Groundhog Day, only wearing a baseball cap instead of a top hat.

Also, he seems to have no concept of how crossing guards are supposed to do their job. Most guards stand in the center of the crosswalk and hold up a sign or a hand to stop traffic.

Not this guy. When he sees some kids coming, he waits for the light, and then just barges into the traffic lane and crosses the street with them. He doesn't hold up his hand or acknolwedge the cars in any way, except for to occasionally have a conversation with someone through a window.

I'm used to him, by now, but the first few times I saw him in action, I had no idea what to do. Do I keep driving? I have a green light! What the hell!

Now, I ignore him completely, but other folks who don't drive this way every day always get confused, especially if they're trying to turn on to the street where he's crossing. It holds up traffic for a few signal changes.

I have seriously considered calling the school and complaining, because frankly, what he does is completely unsafe. But that would instantly elevate me into grouchy old lady status, and I'm trying to put that off for another few years.